FICTION BY MARISA CRANE

THE HUNDRED OR SO DRUNK TEXTS I SENT YOU LAST NIGHT

look

I’ve never told anyone this before but

my sex um well it sorta kills people

I mean not the people having the sex

not me and the person

I mean

there is no other person, just you

I swear babe

Jaidudoandhaiqkannwis!8$$

Ignore that - my asshole roommate did that

I promise there’s no one else

we’d be safe

hypothetically ???/ anyway

but not anyone else

you don’t get it?

okay...let me try again

everyone I’ve ever known who has died has died while I’ve been having sex

better.-:?

that’s why I keep turning you down, not cuz I don’t want you of course I want you

please don’t be mad at me i never meant to hurt you

you’re hottest when you’re tearing up your bills

next in line is my cousin Mikey I can just feel it

I’m getting better at predicting who it’ll be

my aunt Jane already fucking hates me

she wishes she were this good at rugby

and parallel parking

I’ll fuck off now

jk I’m back

You know Mikey is too good at belly-laughing I can’t do that to him I can’t risk it

Yeah unfortunately fingering counts

He’s training to become a clown

I wish you’d at least answer me let me know a whale hasn’t swallowed you whole

then i could get some sleep

btw a clown hit on me

last week

at Audrey’s kid’s birthday thing

I didn’t tell you cuz of the way you smiled when the clown handed you a balloon whale

with all theworlds waves inside you

I miss kissing you

you’re hottest when you read upside down while drying your hair

uoi know like when it’s flipped over your head

the most beautiful whale is out tonight I can see it from my balcony spraying champagne out of its

spout

do you call it a spout? like a teapot?

are whales the teapots of the sea?

you have no idea how long it took me to find that whale

thinkinf of all those drunk fish in toilet bowls

where are they now?

where do we go from here?

I wish my dad were still alive to tell me what to do

turn your read receipts on!

he was better at lying than me

let on that he went to Harvard

for my whole life

SAM

for my whole life

like what the hell? Haha

are you shooting pool with Buddy again? don’t go easy on him this itme

I knew you’d like that!!!1

my roommates sitting out here with me

did I alrwady say that?

she says to tell you the grease isn’t so bad

guess she’s right but the pizza is too thick for me

I like thin crust wherever thin crust is from

can’t be New Jersey

nothing good comes from Jersey

I know you’re laughing at your phone right now I can feel it like I can feel my roommates greasy hand

wiping the crumbs off my cheek

They say pizza is like sex but it’s really not

you know what’s like sex?

Sex

you’re right

we could try touching ourselves together

maybe that’s a loophole

I have some good grinch porn links

you aren’t really from jersey are you?

Have turned my phone off and back on

Are you there

are you

you must be

whales don’t sleep

Don’t you get it

I’d run errands for you

many coupons like the old data

Days**^^

Roomie just cursed out a dude vandalizing a stop sign down below

Even stuff the coupons in my bra

we live at the

intersection of

fear

and sickness

I love you I want to make more of you

I wish it were biologically possible

yeah but it costs like a bajillion dollars

he painted the word Running

in neon pink such clash

no I lied earlier

you’re hottest when youflex your jaw

and bite down hard on my name

Do you

think

ITs possible

to

meet anyone

where

they’re at

?????

??????

I don’t

now the whale is in oue living room

Sam

I wish things were different

Sam

we are watching space jam

in our floaties

Sam

the whale says to tel you that it’s all gonna be okay

Sam

MJ is stretching his arm out into eternity

Sam

the aliens will finally get their lives back

Sam

sometimes I feel like a scarecrow

Sam

Sam

SAM

SAM

remind me to tell you about my dad’s funeral

some lunatic cut a lock of his hair and ran away

Sam

my ex and I acidentally killed a hang-glider

I’ll spareyou the details i know you don’t like to hear about “before”

Sam

Sam the point is

I’m not made for what comes next

Marisa Crane is a queer writer whose work has appeared in Wigleaf Top 50, The Rumpus, Hobart, JellyfishReview, Pithead Chapel, Drunk Monkeys, and elsewhere. She is the author of the poetry chapbook, Our Debatable Bodies (Animal Heart Press, 2019). Originally from Allentown, PA, she now lives in San Diego with her wife.